Learning to love
Gadoury-Sansfaçon, who is also a clinical clerk at Université de Sherbrooke, is on a quest to understand how AI is reshaping love. His research examines the romantic journey by breaking it down into three stages: before, during and after the relationship.
Before entering into a “traditional” human relationship, you have to leave the house, develop social skills and accept the uncertainty and risk of rejection, he points out, and all these experiences are part of the construction of self.
Personalized AI fundamentally alters this process; now we can create what we think we want and experience much less real engagement with others. By contrast, real-life romance is a process of co-construction, negotiation, frustration and mutual learning.
“We sometimes discover sides of ourselves that we would never have explored alone,” said Gadoury-Sansfaçon. “A relationship with AI, on the other hand, can become a frictionless space where we can talk without having to listen, and the other person never disappoints us because they are programmed not to.”
When a relationship ends, the breakup may be painful, but it is often a pivotal moment of personal growth. AI, however, will never break up with you or die a natural death. It becomes unavailable only if the company that made it goes out of business, changes its model, or the user stops paying. “This asymmetry radically transforms the experience of loss,” Gadoury-Sansfaçon said.
Not all bad
Despite these limitations, Gadoury-Sansfaçon thinks AI relationships can have redeeming qualities. Some AI systems are specifically designed to challenge users, ask questions and encourage self-reflection.
AI can also provide new kinds of connection for people who have often been shut out of romantic relationships in the past—those who are isolated, elderly, living with disabilities or have never experienced intimacy.
“It’s easy to scoff at the idea of falling in love with a chatbot when you’ve already experienced love,” said Gadoury-Sansfaçon. “But for someone who has never been in a relationship, it can be a starting point. Not a perfect starting point, to be sure, but real nonetheless.”
Contrary to popular belief, there is no typical path to virtual love, he added.
“It’s rarely a sudden plunge. More often, it’s a series of small technological interactions—with voice assistants, chatbots, automated services—gradually blurring the line between human and artificial interactions. I think we overestimate the complexity of human beings and the magnitude of their needs. Sometimes, we just want someone to be there for us.”
Education the key
While virtual love has its shortcomings, Gadoury-Sansfaçon doesn’t think it should be abolished. Instead, he advocates educating users. They need to understand how these technologies work, the business models on which they are based and the interests they serve.
“Some companies have an interest in keeping users emotionally dependent,” said Gadoury-Sansfaçon. “That can pose serious mental-health risks.”
Legal frameworks are now being put in place, including a requirement for some artificial companions to remind users that they are not human and to redirect people with suicidal thoughts to the appropriate resources. As there are documented cases of AI encouraging dangerous behaviour, safeguards of this kind are vital, according to Gadoury-Sansfaçon.
Do human relationships have a future?
Instead of asking what AI can never replace, it would be more fruitful to ask what we want to preserve as a society, Gadoury-Sansfaçon said. In his view, the risk is not that virtual love will become one option among many, but that it will, by default, become the only available option.
“The future of human relationships hinges on our ability to act with purpose, to support community initiatives and to create spaces where people can meet without technology,” he said.
After all, he noted, love isn’t just about romance and passion; it grows out of a need for belonging and connection.
